Saturday, December 3, 2011

"Race against Time"

Jeremy threw his jeep into fourth gear and watched the needle climb past 80. If he had noticed, the chilly winter air bit into his neck and face like needles, stinging him like ever so many hornets. But he wasn't noticing. He had much more important things on his mind. He changed lanes on the freeway, humming past a large semi trucking at a mere 55 - way too slow for Jeremy on this morning. Jeremy checked his pockets in a nervous fever. They were all there. His pistol, spare mags, and a walkie-talkie. He wondered if the police would be there on time, no, he tried not to think about that or the devastating consequences if they weren't. He shoved that horrible option to the back of his mind and glanced into the rear view mirror.

“No one's following us, just chill out,” said an anxious and nervous passenger.

“I don't know,” said Jeremy, “It never hurts to be careful.”

“I still think you're crazy,” said Mack, the 34 year old fireman, his hoodie well over his head, teeth bared against the wind.

“Well,” said Jeremy, stung to rage by his words, “what would you do if your wife was captured by a gang??!!”

“Well, I still think you're crazy there,” said Mack, a bit chagrined, “but I was referring to your just wearing a long-sleeve shirt in this weather.”

“It don't bother me,” Jeremy muttered, glancing in his rear view again. Jeremy was starting to get nervous, his pulse quickening and his heart thundering in his chest. The exit was close approaching, and after that it was a few mere miles to that dreaded parking lot, where his entire life would change, one way or the other. He floored it past a VW bug that was traveling far too slow for his expectations, and motored up the off ramp, and stopped impatiently at the stoplight, waiting for the green signal. At the flash of that beloved color, Jeremy floored a right turn and hit 50 before he had gone 100 yards. He knew the parking lot was just past the Safeway, past the last stoplight before the railroad.

Copyright 2011 David R.

10 comments:

  1. Jiminy, you got that turned around quick! :)

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  2. Indeed! I hope to keep up on it all day, but we'll see if I get back-logged ever. Hopefully. Because that would mean lots of people are participating! ;)

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  3. OnlyServants' DaughterDecember 3, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    Very exciting, I like it. I wish you could have gotten further in the story. Funny joke about wearing no coat. We Oregonians don't wear coats much. (Just kidding; that's what poeple say but not really.) :)

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  4. Wow! That was fascinating! Not sure if my entry will be that interesting. I tend to start off kind of slow in my stories sometimes... I wish there was more to the story! :)

    To the KING be all the glory!
    Rebekah

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  5. Could this possibly be reminscent of the movie "Courageous"? ;)

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  6. Definitely fast-paced! There are so many ways to write a good grab-your-reader beginning, though. I can't wait to see what everyone sends in!

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  7. That was good David. I was really pulled into the story. I really want to know what's it about, whats going to happen. It's driving me nuts.....

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  8. That was amazing. Excellent start with just enough description to get us hooked. You have the makings of strong characters. *wishes there were more*

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  9. I really like it... But i want to hear farther into the story now!

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  10. You have been watching Courageous! Please, please finish it?

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