Friday, March 2, 2012

"Confusion in the Woods"

A young man stood in the middle of a forest looking frantically around. "Where are they?" he wondered aloud. Farther down the path but out of sight two gruff looking men and a young lady were hurrying along.

"Why are you holding onto my wrist so tight?" the lady inquired. "Sir Falcon said you were helping me get back to my lands!"

One man that was bearded answered, "Aye, so he thought."

The lady was worried. "Why is he taking so long covering our tracks?"

"Girls talk too much, and anyway, we don't need him along."

She looked back. "Wouldn't one of you two go back and make sure he is fine, for we could be being followed and he might get hurt!"

"Have you no trust in him?"one said mockingly. "Come let's go on this side path." They veered off.

"But...oh, how will he find us! What?!..."

Copyright 2012 by Anna W. (10)


  1. Anna! Very nice; good dialogue, excellent sneering bad guys, and you got that backstory element in there as well. Makes me wonder what had previously happened with Sir Falcon and whether she was right to have trusted him.

  2. OnlyServants'DaughterMarch 2, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    Thanks Perry, I hope that's 'okay ' that I can write excellent bad guys. :)

  3. Yes, it is important to be able to write your bad guys well. They're some of your most influential characters, and they need to be believable. By way of exaggeration, they shouldn't be just plain goofy: "If you don't hand me my glass of milk, I'm gonna say 'Boo!'" And often times they shouldn't just threaten lethal force immediately. Like your bad guys, they can be slimy, rude, mocking, and good actors who can pretend to be nice and then laugh at the characters who trust them. Eew. *shivver* That's a pretty bad guy. :]

  4. OnlyServants'DaughterMarch 6, 2012 at 12:10 PM

    Well I was thinking more like Sir Falcone had hired those two guys to help rescue the lady and now THEY were turning traitor and were leaving him behind to get caught by the other bad guys that had captured the girl.
    Although, I guess the way I wrote it, it could turn out either way. They are pretty bad guys, not the kind where they would hurt her but just keep her for ransom, or something. :0 Thanks for the encouragement, I didn't think my story was that great.