Friday, March 2, 2012

"Every Last One"

(CAUTION: this one is very dark for children. ~P.E.)

Gun grasped tightly in hand, Dustin moved cautiously down the dark hallway. His heart was racing a million miles an hour as he inched forward, trying to breathe more quietly. As he turned corner after corner, the darkness seemed to get deeper and he tried to remember the words from the mysterious phone call, “After you enter, you have 3 turns to your left, 4 to the right, 3 more to the left, and 5 to the right. They will be in the second doorway on your left.”

Trying to stay calm, he mentally counted, “3 turns to the left, 4 to the right, one, two, three to the left, and one two, three, four--” Suddenly he heard a quiet humming noise ahead and stopped abruptly. It was voices – men’s voices. Peering intently ahead, he tried to pierce the gloom, and realized that around the next corner was a shaft of light. He crept on, and as he turned the corner, saw the light was coming from underneath a closed door. Dustin knelt down and put his ear to the crack between the bottom of the door and the floor.

As he listened, he realized that the men inside the room were talking about exactly what he wanted to hear. He strained to catch their words.

The first voice to speak was a deep, rough voice – a voice hardened by hate and pain. “What do you plan to do with all of them, Pete?”

“Exactly what I’d planned from the first,” replied a second voice. This voice was much smoother than the first, but its very smoothness and calmness while it spoke the cruel words made Dustin’s blood run cold. “After I’ve finished my scientific research and experiments, I’ll merely dispose of them all.”

“Every last one? Even the little girls?” asked the rough voice.

“Every last one.”

Suddenly, to his extreme horror, Dustin realized by the noises inside that the men were scooting chairs back from a table and standing up. He glanced around furtively, trying to find the best way of escape. Their footsteps were coming closer. He heard the door handle turn, and resolutely stepped back and raised his .357. The door opened and the last man he expected to see walked out of the room.”

Copyright 2012 by Lisa D.


  1. Wow, you got that up quick! you think it's too intense?

  2. Yes, I try to post them ASAP.
    It is intense, but fine. I just know the broad age range interested and/or participating so I thought the little note would be appreciated by some. :)

  3. NICE. Gettin gritty. Thats what I'm talkin about. :)

  4. Ha - thought you'd like it, David :D Maybe my book won't be quite as boring as you were expecting.... LOL

  5. Is Dustin the character you were trying to name?

  6. Replies
    1. Great! Verrryyy manly (read in a deep romantic voice ;p ). What's the last name? Or are you telling?

    2. Jessie asked me that this morning and I'm not really sure yet.

      Any ideas? :D

    3. Hoffman?

      Sorry, I couldn't resist. We can discuss it at length via email :)

  7. I REFUSE to comment on that last jab....

  8. This is a good bit of writing, Lisa. Are you usually able to write this much in 10 minutes? I can feel the setting through the description and the characters thoughts. The confusing phone instructions together with the extreme dark and too many turns to count... definite suspense set-up there! I'd be all nerves by the time I reached that door, and boy, would they be jolted by that conversation! Phrases such as "exactly what he wanted to hear" and "he tried to remember the words from the mysterious phone call" clearly say there has already been something going on. Great job!

  9. Let's see...can I usually write that much in 10 minutes...

    Well, if I can write as fast as I used to be able to talk, the answer is yes.

    But, it depends on how clear of an idea I have in my head before I start writing :)

    @David.... :D :D :D :D

  10. Love it Lisa!! I especially liked the peering and pierce in the same sentence!
    I wonder how one chooses a profile...none of the suggestions fit me so I will just close my eyes and click!

  11. Great job!! I love it!!!!!!